please play while reading:
Ever since I was a wee little girl, I've been staring out the window of an aeroplane, high in the sky. It ain't no thang, however, my flight today won the golden trophy for scariest flight. We had flown for almost three hours, and everything was easy breezy, up until the plane suddenly started taking these heavy drops (way up in the air) and madly convulsing. The plane was going at top speed, headed downward, and the exit lights and other lights were flashing on and off. It just can't be explained with words. Everyone was hunched over, and there was a thick tension throughout the aircraft. I've been through all sorts of "turbulence", but never anything like this. I thought, "this is it". The scary thing about plane crashes is that you have absolutely no control, and you're just on the ride.... and you have alllll that time as you head down.... to think.
As the plane rumbled, time ticked very slowly and pictures from life flickered through my mind. I had a mental checklist with the universe...it was not a "life flashes before your eyes" sort of thing, but a visual sweep of the latest roads I've been on. The beautiful thing is, as frightening as the thought of "the end" was, I fully accepted that I was about to go, and it felt okay. There was no fear. The picture show looked pretty amazing. No regrets. I'm not necessarily ready to go...there are so many things I'd love to do, give, make happen, and experience.... but I thought, if it is time...so be it. I was listening to Liars "Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack", and felt that it provided such a nice soundtrack to the unknown, I put it on repeat and braced myself. With all of the turbulence, I assumed, we were pretty low to the ground, and either we'd crash, or land. During one of the heart-stopping drops, I stole a glance out the window, and saw how incredibly high we were, and that it was really happening. Those one-in-a-million chance type things. I thought about my best friend and how she had experienced the same thing over the ocean, and how she made peace with the possibility of death. It is slightly embarrassing that I actually thought about LOST, but it was only for a few seconds. I thought about the finale and how it provided such a strong message about life and the people you spend time with. yah, so what, my plane was shaking.
I knew no matter what, if I'm going out, I want music to be in my ears, heart, and mind, so I just soaked up the song, shut my eyes, and let if flow. And everything truly made sense, as it always does.
Eventually, we somehow made it. Upon landing, the plane made all sorts of long, peculiar noises, so maybe we really did get lucky. Everyone looked exhausted, some experienced loud hiccups, and other strange behaviors. My heart didn't stop racing until an hour or so later, when I sat down in the smelly shuttle and stared out the window for a while, taking in the new scenery. What an adrenaline rush. Sur-real.
Thank you, life. I am not afraid, and I am not afraid of the unknown. I know that no matter what, everything will be as it should be, the road twists and turns where it should, and I trust that whatever will be, will be.
Also, big love to everybody, every living entity, every little thing.
Even after death, one's spirit through life "can always be found".
I was listening to the "radio edit version" (beautiful video) of Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack: